Christmas is coming up and I thought, “what’s better to get you in the Christmas spirit than a Christmas Rant about all the things I hate about being vegetarian at Christmas!”. I’m sure that people who are free from other things can probably relate to most of these in one way or another. So here it goes, in no particular order, 10 Reasons why I hate being Vegetarian at Christmas:
- Do you even have Christmas dinner? YES!!!! Yes I do. Why does everyone think I want to sit there with a pasta bake? I love a good roast. I have a starter, normally garlic mushrooms or bruschetta, then a massive roast dinner, complete with stuffing, roast potatoes, veg, gravy, sauces etc… And to accompany it, we either have Quorn fillets or a chestnut roast (which my Nan makes, and even the meat eaters enjoy… maybe too much).
- When the Fur coats all start to come out. I don’t care if it’s endangered or not, please just say no. Faux fur all the way. In fact, quick plug to my earlier blog post, check out my top 10 faux fur coats here.
- Mince pies – are you allowed to eat them? Yes this is a serious one, normally asked when I decline a mince pie. Please let me say this, and I’ll only say it once, they are made from fruit not meat! I just do not like them.
- Do you eat your dinner separately because your family eat meat? Uh no. Even when it’s not Christmas we eat together… My mum and I will not be offended when you eat meat around us. We may not agree with it but we really do not care, its more annoying when you say “God I love crackling, hahahaha sorry.” My Nan actually makes us vegetarian versions of pigs in blankets, which are lush.
- Eating at Christmas parties part A) PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE EAT YOUR MEAT DISHES FIRST. Like f*cking hell Susan we had one vegetarian plate made up for us of vegetarian sausage rolls and spring rolls. You’ve got a whole buffet to choose from. And if you do eat all of our food then don’t go on to say “That was vegetarian? that’s why it didn’t taste that good!” You enjoyed it when you ate the last 4 sausage rolls, you b*tch.
- Eating at Christmas parties part B) Oh can you eat that? Every party and occasion consists of people listing things and seeing if I can eat them or not. Please learn the difference between Vegetarian – a person who does not eat meat, Vegan – a person who does not eat any animal byproduct,
and Pescetarian – a person who doesn’t eat meat but eats fish. I am a Vegetarian who does not eat cheese because I don’t like it. If I’m unsure about something I’ll ask, please just let me get on with it.
- Duck fat roast potatoes and a meat gravy. So you’ve realized that I eat roast dinners! Yay! But then you cook the potatoes (the best bit!) in duck fat because it makes them crispier, and you use a meat gravy or pour meat juices into the gravy. Then no I cannot eat it. And how are you seriously that incapable of making potatoes crispy without duck fat? Ew.
- “But its Christmas!” Oh Damn it, you’re right; I better start eating meat then.
- I’ve Booked our works Christmas do at Beefeater! Well thanks for that… really couldn’t think of everyone and not just yourself? Because I sure know that if I booked it at The Core you would all kick off. Then if you go on to point at that one vegetarian option which consists of spiced cauliflower, a tagine, a quiche or something full of sultanas, it will just make it a whole lot worse. Please don’t.
- *Waves fork with meat on in front of my face* “You sure you don’t want any?” Laughs. Yes I am sure. Your dry turkey hasn’t made me rethink my past 20 years of existence. Thanks for that.
Ah rant over.