You Are Pretty! You Know, For A Feminine Guy.

Its time for part 4 of the campaign. And its time to talk about Masculinity in men. How manly does a guy have to be to be considered as normal? This is something that affects all men regardless of sexuality. Is it only okay to feminine if you’re gay? Is camp bad? What is it that makes masculine men more sexy in today’s society?

So what makes a man Manly… ?

I asked this question and here’s what I got back…

Supporting his family and being the main provider, no tears, emotional stability, mature, confident, physically muscley or a beer belly – not skinny, a beard etc..  This is, as many will agree, the stereotype of a man. But we live in a society now where more women are choosing to continue careers after having children, suicide and depression in men is being more recognised but is still on the rise due to stereotypes and pressure for men to fit in is higher than ever. Is enforcing this stereotype doing more damage than it’s worth?

Is it true that the more manly you are the more attractive you are?

I asked the question and 85% of females say they would prefer to date a manly man over feminine. And yet when asked what they look for in a man they want the ‘feminine’ qualities. They still want to be seen as equal in the partnership, want men who are not intimidated by strong women, and be able to talk openly with their partner and share feelings. They want romance, they want comfort, and they want good manners and respect. There is a clear juxtaposition of wanting a stereotypical manly man and wanting the qualities of a stereotypical feminine man. But what if we could have both?

How many guys have been accused of being too feminine or gay with a negative connotation?

So I asked some guys this question, and 86% of men said that they had been called too feminine or gay in a negative way. And 75% of these men identify as heterosexual (straight).

We as a society are so obsessed with putting people into boxes. From birth you have girls and boys toys, you get told stupid things like “big boys don’t cry” etc… What if instead of labelling each other you just let people be… Some guys are more emotional than others but they are still men, in the same way you will get women who aren’t as emotional as other women.

We are people who want to take part in #endthestigma but yet still put people into boxes. And I am not talking about having no gender etc.. but what I do think is just because (and I am going to put it quite frankly) you have a penis this will not choose the path your life will take. Just because you have a vagina it does not mean you have to stop doing anything. You can have a penis and cry. And when you put it like that I think it sounds pretty stupid that just because you have a penis we would say otherwise.

I am actually pleased to announce that I have some pretty great friends and here’s the facts. What makes men attractive (taking out the scale of femininity) is; being caring, being a good father figure, actually noticing changes with their partner whether its a haircut or a new perfume and just being fully present as themselves. As Robyn Howe put it “A real man is someone who doesn’t hide his true self.”  Just a little something to think about.

 

Here’s Charlie! If you recognise him it is because he is normally behind the scenes at our shoots as our hair stylist. Charlie will quite openly tell you that he is seen by society as feminine. An assumption about Charlie is as he’s gay there’s no real judgement about him being feminine. As this judgment/stereotype may be seen as true in some eyes in others it’s not. Particularly amongst the rest of the gay community. Now Grinder (a gay dating/hook up app) is used by so many and it is so god damn judgemental. You will literally see things like “No Asians, no fems,” etc..

Charlie will face judgment from everyone, of all sexualities. Men and women who still use “gay” as an insult and those who just want the manly stereotype.

How feminine should Charlie be?

Charlie should be as feminine as he god damn wants! He can wear what he wants, say what he wants and act how he wants. Charlie is Feminine. But this is not a bad thing at all. Charlie can be feminine yes but he can also be eye watering-ly hilarious, a talented hair stylist/hair colourist, kind, supportive, politically intelligent, and an all round great friend. And that’s just who Charlie is.

Charlie is Pretty! (or handsome whatever you want to go with!) You know, for any kind of guy.

Don’t forget to check out our last campaign post; You Are Pretty! You Know, For a Sporty Girl.

You can hit Charlie up on insta; Charl_willi246

And for photography our photographer as always is @graceeperryphotography or you can find her on her new site here.

33 Comments

    • iyalouisa
      Author
      16th April 2018 / 12:15 pm

      Thank you!

  1. 16th April 2018 / 2:07 pm

    Well, The content you have written is really needed for modern generation. Hope they learn something and use it for lifetime

  2. Lorrain
    16th April 2018 / 3:01 pm

    Loving the way you write another good post

  3. 17th April 2018 / 12:03 am

    I am in complete agreement it frustrates me when society continually seeks to pigeonhole us into our gender constraints when in actuality, your gender does not define who you are as a person. Like you said guys should not be ashamed to cry and women can be into cars, your gender should not limit you from being who want to be, nor should it dictate what you should do in accordance to supposed gender norms. Gender constraints are outdated and its time that we lived without labels.

    • 20th April 2018 / 12:39 am

      I don’t like it either. I have two daughters who like girly stuff. But they also have diverse toys like carpentry tools, cars, trucks, and the like. Gender norms can sometimes choke the life out of you. I’m a woman, but it seems that I like a of “man” stuff. So? Right?

  4. 17th April 2018 / 3:31 am

    Thank you for being the voice of many. These posts have been such a huge help for people who lack self love and those who appreciate themselves less because of what society throws at them. Charlie is amazing and he should definitely be proud of who he is and what he can do! Love it!

  5. 17th April 2018 / 3:42 am

    YES to this, Charlie can absolutely be whatever he wants and however feminine he wants. No one has a place to judge or decide for him!

  6. 17th April 2018 / 4:04 am

    I cannot answer for Charlie’s case. But in my case, my husband is not your typical macho guy. I actually call him fluffy He’s not fat but he’s not toned either because he doesn’t work out and we love to eat. But I love him that way and I don’t think that I would want him any other way.

  7. Geraline Batarra
    17th April 2018 / 5:30 am

    This is really a nice article and I am yes to Charlie he can do whatever he wants to do. Being macho is not always having a big muscle it is shown on how you handle your life.

  8. 17th April 2018 / 1:35 pm

    In a way, the society is used to defining us and if we let their talk into our heads, it now becomes a challenge especially when exploiting our potential. Anyway, I think that Charlie is just as good as anyone else and he should not let others’ judgments to cloud his mind, just as any other out there who is facing a similar situation.

  9. Daisy
    17th April 2018 / 3:35 pm

    I wish we lived in a world that we could all be free to be our true selves and not be judged… My youngest son loves all things “ boy” cars , trucks, dirt, motorcycles… but… he also adores Cinderella …. Everytrip to Disneyland we make our first stop to meet her and he is thrilled but one time as we walked around in the gift shop he picked a Cinderella Barbie. He told me he wanted to let her drive some of his jeeps at home. Without blinking I put it on counter to purchase but the salesperson made snide comments on how I shouldn’t be buying that for my son… I told her it’s none of her business….

  10. 17th April 2018 / 4:55 pm

    I love this post!!! I love how you included statistics from your survey. The message & awareness behind this is fantabulously & Wonderfully, spectacularly splendid! You rock & love all your looks!

  11. 17th April 2018 / 6:06 pm

    I hate that this is the case, I think it;s important to live and let live. I think men should have a feminine side, but it shouldnt be labelled as such, just be good people. Its not hard!

  12. 17th April 2018 / 6:11 pm

    I think everyone should just be themselves and not worry about what society tells them about how they should be. My guy, though, is a manly man. He is strong and full of confidence. Yet, he has absolutely no problem with cooking and cleaning. He helps care for his mother who suffers from dementia. I’d say he’s the perfect man for me 🙂

  13. 17th April 2018 / 8:22 pm

    People like to criticise, share their opinions (when no one asked for one) and put other into certain boxes. It`s the first instinct and it`s based on the first impression. And most of the time, parents are responsible as they teach their child to look on the outside first.

  14. 17th April 2018 / 8:42 pm

    Finally someone who’s not afraid to tell it like it is! Charlie is wonderful, gay or not, feminine or not I don’t care! People should mind their own business!

  15. 17th April 2018 / 9:36 pm

    I feel so awful that our society has created certain stereotype when it comes to gender! Thanks for raising your voice! Everyone has a right to live their lives the way they want and its no one’s business to give judgment.

  16. 17th April 2018 / 10:41 pm

    As a woman who was a tomboy and felt very uncomfortable in my body because I didn’t fit the “pretty mold” I relate so much to this. Enough with the damn stereotypes. Just be yourself!

  17. 18th April 2018 / 12:55 pm

    What a brilliant and empowering post of strength and determination. A great and beautiful guy through through Charlie.

  18. suchi
    18th April 2018 / 2:31 pm

    Thank you shedding light on such an important topic! Everyone has the right to to live a life they love!! Charlie is amazing! He can absolutely be whatever he wants & be & be proud of it!

  19. Patrice
    18th April 2018 / 2:55 pm

    I always enjoy your posts you always write about taboo subjects more bloggers need to be like you. I love reading real life topics.

    http://www.pixieox.com

  20. Autumn Murray
    18th April 2018 / 5:26 pm

    “Charlie should be as feminine as he god damn wants!” – Loved this. Of course, everyone should live their own life and not be tied down by the opinion of others. Live. Your. Life.

  21. 18th April 2018 / 8:19 pm

    That has to be hard. Pretty boys are liked but denigrated all at the same time I think in society. It’s sad we think this. As far as what women want that’s hard. It’s like men, they expect to have their pristine Madonna and at the same time their private wild woman. Women want their public man to be masculine and intimidating and the private one they want to be sensitive and feminine. I think we have kind of screwed up men and women with these opposing desires.

  22. 18th April 2018 / 10:23 pm

    I already saw your series on Instagram and I found it interesting, that’s why I followed through and ended up here. I love your thoughts and how you’ve put Charlie’s story into words. Way to go!

  23. 18th April 2018 / 10:23 pm

    I already saw your series on Instagram and I found it interesting, that’s why I followed through and ended up here. I love your thoughts and how you’ve put Charlie’s story into words. Way to go!

  24. 19th April 2018 / 10:57 pm

    It really is a shame that men don’t feel as free to just be themselves. It’s totally okay to cry and show emotions. In fact, it’s normal. I love these photos and this series.

  25. 19th April 2018 / 11:59 pm

    I enjoyed reading your post and I agree with a lot of what you share here. I think guys shouldn’t be labeled feminine if he shows his feelings or if something upsets him enough to cry. I also do dislike when people say things like ” oh you throw like a girl” or “stop crying like a girl” as if a woman can’t be good at throwing a ball or if all women do is cry all day. Why can’t people just be who they are without trying to fit into other’s expectations? life would be so much more enjoyable.

  26. 20th April 2018 / 8:49 pm

    This is so true! We are all labelled all the time instead of being encouraged to be true to ourselves, whatever that may entail.

  27. 20th April 2018 / 8:58 pm

    This is such a great topic to address. I think more people should understand that gender constraint is just a social construct and that we need to break away from the connotations/expectations that come with gender.

  28. Blair villanueva
    21st April 2018 / 2:45 pm

    Every individual is beautiful and unique. No one has a uniform of beauty, that will be boring.

  29. 4th May 2018 / 5:03 pm

    It’s annoying that people are still so quick to judge others over something so unimportant. We are all unique in our own ways and this should be celebrated not mocked.

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