**EDIT** I prepped this post a day before, yeah thats right, I prep stuff now and I got very ill on Friday and also received some personal news that I wasn’t expecting. So I haven’t left my bed since Friday due to not being able too but the context of this post still stands and I am going to leave the story how it is.**The past week hasn’t really been that interesting unfortunately. I know I am boring. I did release my first part of “How I lost 5lbs in 2 weeks” which I never thought I would be writing haha. Me writing about weight loss and it being my own weight loss I did not see coming at all! One thing that did happen is I had a couple of “lazy days” which is fine! If you don’t have anything that needs to be done (you know like blog writing, work, etc.. the little things) then go ahead and lie in bed all day. But it did make me think about the times that they’re not so great for you…
Those “can’t get out of bed days”. Yep I think it’s time to talk about them. I saw a meme the other day which said “I like a nice nap, my naps can last up to three hours… some call that depression. I call it nap time.” Yes funny but for me relatable… probably too relatable. And after talking about not being able to tidy a room or put something away I thought this would be a good thing to talk about too.
The worst time in my life for this was when I was dropping out of school at 16. There were Three Types for me of can’t get out of bed. Type One was the crying, no not crying, sobbing type. Where all I could do was lie in bed and sob. It felt horrible but yet getting out of bed and facing the world felt a lot worse. Crying myself to sleep was something that happened regularly. Type Two was the just over thinking. Over thinking about everything. This is where my anxiety would come out to say hi and I would just lie there looking at the wall for hours over thinking everything. But when someone asked what was wrong everything became unclear or it felt as if how would I even explain when I don’t really understand it? So I would just say “Nothing”. And Type Three is the forced sleeping. Sometimes I would just force myself to sleep or nap, even if I wasn’t really that tired. Because it was a way of escaping reality. There was even a time I would just lie in bed for the whole day playing the Kim kardashian or the made in Chelsea app games, games where you literally pretend to be anyone else, and then just “nap”. I would nap to not have to face reality and make time go quicker.
And sometimes it would be a mixture of type one and two, or type two and three or all of them etc…
It is very easy to see constantly napping as just being lazy. Which don’t get me wrong sometimes it is! Sometimes I actually have a nap because I am simply tired. But sometimes, it’s not that simple. When I described the Types I spoke in past tense however I still go through all of those types just not as regularly. It may not be every day, or a few times a week anymore but it still happens. Sometimes I just have those “Can’t get out of bed days”.
I saw on twitter a girl write a tweet saying “If you have depression why would you share things about it. If you really had it you’d be too embarrassed” And well to some extent embarrassment is there. However I am in a much better place than I was at 16. In fact I am in a much Better place than I was a year and a bit ago. When I am really low no I do not feel like sharing stories hence all of the late posts or non existent ones. Depression is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life as there is no cure. So will many others, so I think it’s time to share more. Share stories to let others going through it know that they’re not alone, share stories to let people who aren’t going through it understand why, and just sharing to #endthestigma. Because that hashtag is made to be used more than for just one week of the year.
“Always be a work in progress”Emily Lillian
Next week I am going to start looking at life goals… ah. But for this week I am asking, who here has had a can’t get out of bed day? #endthestigma